Absence

Where do we go from here

Sitting back, gathering the years

Like dust on the lens

Filtering out the sunlight

I wish

But I won't say it right

And you won't hear above

The volumes of repression

The sentence of depression

Under dark skies

Where our thoughts condense

Coalesce

Into the sunlight's absence

Where do we go from here

When all I want is

A smile, my children's laugh

And all I have is

This distance

This barren existence

Where they are not

And I am

And I hate it

This degradation of beauty

Into bloodshed

This capitulation of love to

Punishment

I have given everything

And still this is what you've chosen

To take from me

They tell me have hope

Keep the faith

Maybe even let go

If it'll make it okay

Instead I'll swallow the world

And still not fill

The void inside of me

The world cut from my chest

That left me broken

And hopeless

And knowing

The only chance at happiness

Is to overcome this

Hatred you harbor

Through the strength of my love

And I wonder sometimes

When the sun hides

Behind the clouds

And I want to shout

To scream from hell

I can not do without

I am not doing well

I wonder, if I am enough

If I have the capacity

The love

To withstand the torrents

You have rained upon me

To know trust

When it's been shattered

So completely

To live on

Despite the calm in your seas

While my ship is ravaged

By the havoc you've wreaked

I doubt

Sometimes

Though I know life's sublime

Peaceful moments

The beauty divine

And complete

I have my wreckage, you see

My crashes and recollections

Of dreams

Once painted so flawless

Now aged and fading

Quickly

Where do we go from here

I wonder

I can hear the thunder

Approaching

As I sit back, gather my tears

As memories across

My sleeves

And I in my darkness

I in my shadows

I and my demons, well

I know how it goes

I've seen

And I can only hope

Someday, I'll find the course

That ushers me away from the scene

That touches the wasteland

Of my dreams

Breathes life into my seams and

I'll stand, you'll beckon

But I'll not hear

Over the sound of the years

You've stolen

I don't fear

What is to come anymore

For what might bring me to shore

Surely, can't be worse

Than what set me to sea

Maybe I'll drown

Before knowing the beach

But where I go from here

All my doubts and fears

The years spent thrashing wildly

And loving with the veracity

I have, dreaming with the capacity

Of kings

Well, that all belongs

To me.